Mud, Blood, and Frostbite

Ya know, some mornings can just suck it. Today is one of those mornings. 

The middle finger of my right hand 🖕now has frostbite and I am randomly coated with spots and smears of blood and mud with blades of grass clinging to everywhere. “The hell?!” you logically ask. Everyone is fine (except for my beloved and expressive right middle finger) but this morning Señors SamSam and Humphrey decided to have themselves a fight. Why? Well see, what I think happened was Humphrey insulted Sam’s mother; kidding! I don’t know, they are DOGS and I was in the house. So, off I go grabbing the air horn in my very sexy bike shorts, t-shirt, and slippers stomping into the wet (cut yesterday) grass. One blast of the air horn scares off the, well, let’s call them the “fight-adjacent assholes.” However for descriptive purposes allow me to detail the F-AAs: Ziesa just occasionally running headlong into the fight using her snoot as a battering ram; Dobby just grabbing onto whatever collar or neck he can grab his entire demeanor screeching “just happy to be here guys!”; and Piper, blessedly weird Piper, just grabbing and humping whatever dog she can. So, one honk of the air horn scares the F-AAs away and I get to begin separating the primary assholes. Air horn scares Humphrey up close, Sam is too far gone. Able to get Sam’s collar (Martingale) but grab the collar itself and not the tightening strap so he slips out (Asshole!), so I grab his back legs and swing him away. Unfortunately had to do that twice and then keep Sam down for a couple minutes before he came back to himself and then put Sam & Humphrey into a Sit & Wait while I retrieved Sam’s collar and put it on him. Annoyingly, Sam and Humphrey walked side by side back into the house with a, “sheesh, why the lady so mad?!” when I ordered them both “IN!”. 

So, the damn air horn froze my poor middle finger which is alternating between numb and tingles, I’m running late for work and I have to hose the mud, blood, and grass off me before I can finish getting dressed.  

Sam & Humphrey are safely separated but just another unique day at FoodLady’s house.