FoodLady Chronicles – I barfed

FoodLady Chronicles – I barfed edition:
So. There I was, about to flop onto my bed. I was yammering on about something in my singsong happy FoodLady voice and Life (dog, not concept) was AhWooing along happily and Herbert (definitely not a concept) was trying to lick her face clean or kissing her or whatever it is those two get up to…not my ‘bidness. Anywhoodle, mid bed flop a bug…an unspecified and assuredly dead by now bug flew into my mouth. And not just in the lipular or toothular area either! Nope, that sucker basically danced a tango with my uvula (the hangy thing in the back of a human’s throat ya perverts). Now, I reacted to this calmly by delicately horking into the garbage can (like a lady). All would have been fine except my gacking made noises which triggered Super Herbert (trademark pending)! While Super Herbert (trademark pending)! sounds impressive he is, in fact, a hilarious pain in the ass.
Me: *horking into trash* (delicately and like. a. lady.)
Super Herbert (trademark pending)!
*brings bottle of meds.*
Didn’t work. Hmmmm.
*brings glucose kit*
Didn’t work. Hmmmm.
*brings garlic salt*
Didn’t work. Hmmmm.
*brings duck toy*
Didn’t work. Hmmmm.
*brings empty doritos bag*
At this point I’m cracking up and he flops down, his self appointed mission accomplished. You win this round Super Herbert (trademark pending)!