Rooster Apologies

​Dear (dumbass) Rooster, I am very sorry for the stress and trauma that you underwent in my yard at 07:08 this morning. You are apparently new to the area and the other chickens did not inform you of the only important safety guideline for prey animals enjoying FoodLady’s front yard: If the door opens – RUN/HOP/FLY OVER THE FENCE. 

Okay, I mean maybe you got the first three words of the safety guideline because you sure as hell did all of those but you forgot the most important part – over the fence. 

Thankfully(?), the really fast one (Humphrey) has minimal teeth and when he caught you (the first time) you lost some feathers, some dignity (see next apology) and you gained quite a bit of drool – I’m sorry about all of that. I would also like to apologize for the “little” dog aka Ziesa. Please understand that you running around the yard was probably the most exciting thing that has ever happened to her in her 8 months of life. Because you were pretty busy running for your life and all, you may not have noticed she is not as fast as the other dogs. I believe this may be affecting her self confidence. However, that does not give her the right to bounce up and down on you with her front feet while Humphrey holds you down – it was just rude. “Roosters Are Not Trampolines” shall be a discussion we have later today. 

Lastly, I’m sorry that, after Humphrey caught you (the second time) that I had to pick you up and toss you (gently) over the fence, I promise it came from my concern for your safety. I am very sorry that you were treated as a trampoline, are covered with dog drool, and that you lost some feathers. I can sympathize greatly with the first two (both happens to me a lot), but I cannot imagine the tragic loss of pretty butt feathers. 

Next time, please remember – Door Opens? Get outside of the fence! 

Love,

FoodLady

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