Oops. I did it again.

I really did NOT want to stop. I have a pretty well developed “okay or not okay” system of scanning roadside dogs. In reality, of course they are all not in the best circumstances, but my world has forced me into a pretty strict triage consisting of me not pulling over unless the dog is obviously in imminent danger, in heat, emaciated, or too young to survive alone. The mama dog and what looked like a single 3-4 week old puppy checked 3 of my boxes. Dammit.

I had nothing with me but there was an emaciated mama dog and tiny puppy walking on a VERY busy road. Fuuuuuuck.

I turned around and couldn’t find them, “phew!” I thought, they went home……..NOPE. Just further into the damn road. So, stopped car in traffic, then stopped traffic and chased them off the road itself and there was the tiny puppy….right in front of me.

So, I scared the (metaphorical) shit out of him and grabbed him. He had obviously no experience with humans. Sadly, mama DID have experience with humans and I couldn’t get close.

Moved car out of road, called my friend for backup and bought some puppy food at the gas station and was hoping to use that and her baby to snaggle mama.

Mama – gone.

I felt like *such* a failure. I would rather have gotten that poor mom dog than just snatch her puppy. 🤦‍♀️

Also, her puppy was way older than he looked next to mom. He is almost 8 weeks old (based on teeth) and I don’t believe he was getting any food other than mama milk.

Because we found him in front of a subway he has been named FootLong and I’ve decided that he is the rarest of breeds – the Teacup Mastiff. 😂

Thankfully, my visiting friend has already found a home for this little shit in the states, so just have to raise a puplet for another week or so. Please enjoy some cute mini mastiff photos. 😁

Moose & Squirrel!

Okay, so their names are Moose & River and they are only staying at Camp FoodLady for like a week, but holy shit – the laughter they have brought has been pretty darn great.

Real talk: River is the brains of the operation and like any smart person I know, anxiety is REAL with her. In her daily life, she is used to being HBIC and uses Moose as her personal bodyguard. So, Camp FoodLady has been a surprising challenge to her reality – but I think it will be good for her in the long run.

Okay, had to pause from writing about River to tell you exactly what she is doing right now. She has one of D’s socks and has been throwing it up in the air while laying on her back on the couch. She is super sad that it fell behind the couch. I just stopped typing to go and get that pretty lady her stinky sock. I SWEAR, D’s worn socks could be used as dog toys – I believe my husband’s feet may sweat dognip.

This was River trying to find her favorite toy (smelly sock); she sat like this for a good 20 minutes.

So, onto Moose – we have been unable to stop misquoting from Princess Diaries 2, “…but he’s a cute Moose, makes all the girl moose say, hrrraawwhh!” Moose is a handsome simple summer child. We don’t know if it is his normal skillset, or if he has learned from our pack of assholes, but Moose’s in-the-way game is spectacular. He wants to lead the human parade, unfortunately he doesn’t know where the humans are going so he proudly leads the way, and then realizes noone is following him so he quicky zooms back to where the human is walking. And repeat. and repeat. It’s adorable.

Moose also doesn’t like anyone to urinate alone. He is there for any and all human bathroom needs.

Thus far, they have been having a pretty great time. The slow introduction to my pack of assholes went very well with one exception, and that would be a Dobby. Dobby is our very own special simple soul, bless his heart. The first two days that Moose & River were here I had them in the a/c in the front bedroom and individually introduced them to a few of our pack of assholes at a time. Dobby *found* them, and by *found* I mean he remembered that there were two new dogs in the front bedroom and went and “Woooo’d” at the door on an almost hourly basis. To be fair to him, he forgets a lot – I just didn’t realize he resets himself hourly. But, they are all integrated now and Dobby only *finds* them about once per day, so he seems to have settled that Moose & River exist into his long term memory – or whatever he has that sort of equivicates a long term memory.

OMG – Moose just found River’s stinky sock. He looks so excited about it.

Diabetic Stuffs – An Odd Herbert Alert

Just had an odd Herbert alert while sitting at my desk reading a draft review of our program and getting *super* annoyed. It is a 21 page report. After reading 9 pages and putting in 16 comments while loudly chewing gum and grumbling many “ughs!”, “hell no’s”, and a variety of other profanities, I look over at a Herbert giving me the death-stare from a perfect sit (a/k/a an alert) and I said, “Oh! okay…?” and checked my blood sugar (92mg/dL). As soon as I pulled out my kit he went back to floppy sleepy Herbert – so, was he alerting me to an upcoming low (possible – haven’t eaten lunch) or has he just decided once I start radiating irritated rage he should probably pop up to remind me that it’s just a stupid report and to calm the hell down? Don’t know, don’t care. Either way – Good Herbie – here’s a biscuit. As you can see, his under-desk snooze has returned to his non-alert status. *grin*

The Best Dog Training Advice I’ve Never Read

So, I enjoy dog training. To me, it combines the fun of a hobby with the love and companionship of a dog, so it’s awesome. I don’t know that if I had to do it everyday and if I had to deal with the exhaustion of dealing with the people that came along with their dogs if I would love it as much, but that is why I don’t do it professionally. I wrote a while ago in this post about general dog training advice that my frustration with “The Dog Whisperer” is that a lot of his advice *is* good, but some of his other advice is *really* bad. I wouldn’t even have much of a problem with that if the man continued trying to learn, or at least learned new things and admitted once in a while that he has (as we all have) made mistakes.

While working with Miss Mia and attempting to introduce her into the household I made about 19 mistakes – but by golly, I learned from each and every one of them. She is now fully enmeshed in “the pack” and the current love interest of a SamSam. They spend approximately 19 hours of each day licking each other (ick!) and if they aren’t licking (ick!), they are sharing a stolen hanger with each of them chewing a side in a very “Lady & the Tramp” sort of way (awww!) or sleeping canoodled together (it really is disgustingly cute).

I said all of that to basically say – 99.5% of everything I do in regards to dog training has been learned by attending dog training classes or reading dog training books, blogs, websites, chat rooms, etc.; in other words – everything I know has been learned from others. The only thing that I do that I have never seen written before (although I am sure I didn’t invent it – just haven’t found anyone who wrote it down) is a wipe down. It’s one of the ways I bond with sick and/or injured rescues, comfort puppies, and reinforce that happylovepack feeling to all my dogs and it is just as simple as it sounds – wipe down the dog.

It doesn’t have to be overly special, I have wiped down dogs by using a post-shower damp towel, baby wipes, wet washclothes, dampened paper towels, t-shirts, pretty much anything handy. If you are dealing with a nervous dog don’t wipe their head or face, just gently wipe down their body. Over time (weeks), they will become more comfortable and you will be able to wipe them from nose to tail. A couple of reasons I think this wipe down technique helps form a bond and soothe a dog is because dogs naturally groom each other when they are comfortable together and a mama dog licks pups to keep them clean and soothe them. Am I 100% certain that those are the reasons it works? Nope. Does it work for me and for dogs in my house? Yep. Do I recommend this for everyone with a dog? Yep.

So, spend two minutes everyday gently wiping down a loved dog in your life. It will make you closer, happier, and will help pave the way for further training.

Love, FoodLady

FoodLady Dog Training Stuffs

Alrighty, this post is a tough one for me to write. If you’ve ever spoken to me about dog training or dog nutrition in real life you will notice I rarely say much about my own choices unless specifically asked. Why? Because everyone has their own opinion about what is right and what is wrong in regards to dog training and dog nutrition. Does that mean everything I think, write, or yammer on about is the one and only right way? hell no. I learn more (and more) every year of my life and things I think/write/yammer on about in 2015 may be completely contrary to things I think/write/yammer on about in the future; to me the only right way is to continue questioning the things you are doing to see 1. if they are good for the dog and good for you, and 2. working. It is important (to me) to accept that there isn’t only one way to work with dogs.

That said, here are some of my dog training thoughts:

Don’t Anthropomorphize your Dog

I can feel brains saying….but, but, but, FoodLady, you anthropomorphize CONSTANTLY!?! Ah, young pups, ’tis true. I completely and joyously write funny things attributing human characteristics to my pets – mainly because it cracks me up. That said, I never never never think of a dog as a smaller, fuzzier, funny-looking human. They are not people and despite many jokes to the contrary – they do not think like people. They are a carnivorous pack animal with their own (body)language and drives.

Don’t Compare Dogs to Wolves

This irritates the living crapola out of me. Don’t get me wrong, a lot can be learned from studying wolf behavior because they are another type of carnivorous pack animal. Yes, certain behaviors can be extrapolated between the two types of fuzzy-butts but they are NOT the same. Dogs have had a few millenia to evolve alongside humans.

The Myth of “Finished Dog Training”

There is a wise and wonderful woman I used to work with in dog rescue who once told me,”all dogs will be trained to the minimum their humans can live with.” In other words, if it is truly important to you that your dog should open the refrigerator to get you a beer – you will find a way to train your dog to get you the beer. If the only thing that really matters to you is that your dog doesn’t poop on the floor – that’s pretty much all you will have focused on. But guess what? Every time you are with your dog, whether it be while you are slacking on the couch watching TV or if you are working with them on an agility course – you are training your dog (and/or your dog is training you). If you have an older beloved pet and there is something you don’t like that they are doing – it is time to adjust your on-going training.

They Need More Than Love

I *really* wish that the only thing you had to do to have a wonderfully behaved dog is to love them. Sadly, this doesn’t usually work. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few naturally calm happy dogs out there with incredibly lucky owners who don’t really need more than love; but for the other 99% of us there is so much more required. And it is right about here that I feel the need to give a shout out/head slap to the Dog Whisperer dude – there is a man who needs to spend some more time learning and to admit to himself that he. doesn’t. know. everything. and accept that learning new stuff is okay. See, those basic tenants of his – dogs need exercise/activity and structure before love? yeah – those are great and important for every dog. That whole forcing a dog to accept something during one training session (a/k/a flooding) and proclaiming it a success right before handing that bundle of exhausted stress back to his/her owner who will just make a larger mess of the whole situation? yeah – that is a nightmare.

…there is much more to write, alas I have real world stuffs to accomplish.

*smooches* – FoodLady