Loss of a Service Dog

So….this isn’t a rant, or hell–maybe it is, I don’t know. But what I definitely want to make clear before I…whine? complain? is that I don’t mean to diminish or claim to know/understand other people’s grief in regards to their losses. okay, got it? good.

The next person who says to me that they understand and it’s hard losing a pet may actually get head-butted.

I know, I know….this may actually make me a bad person, right?
Yes, losing a pet is horrible. I have lost quite a few and it’s never ever been, “phew! glad that bastards gone!”  The loss of a service dog, especially one so many years before he should have needed retirement, has been the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I don’t know if it has been so horrible because I trained him and put so much into working with him every day, or if it is because I feel like I lost a part of myself because he was ALWAYS with me, or maybe because I had to fight so damn hard to get people, businesses, and my employer to accept that he was integral to my health; but I suspect it’s all of that combined with him having been a pretty damn spectacular dog.
All in all, I’m doing okay. I do better when I’m busy or distracted, when it’s quiet I tend to lose it a little.
I feel a little lost….a little sad….
I assume it will get better day by day; but right now it hurts.