Dear Piper

FoodLady Chronicles-Dear Piper edition: Dear Piper, you came into my life at a really craptastic time, but you were very low maintenance (I know, right?! A low maintenance dog?) and provided some much needed support and love at the right time–so you stayed. You are the pretty pretty girl and you were totally the dog that was way too normal to live here – until you became very comfortable and let your wee little freak flag fly.
You have a theme song and a nickname. You know the song, “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong,” by the Spin Doctors? Yeah, that’s the format of your theme song except the lyrics are, “Little Miss Make It Weird” and your nickname is “MakeItWeird” because wee Miss Piper, making it weird is your superpower.
If there is a naked human you will attempt to sniff….places (ick ick!). If I wear a tank top, you attempt to lick my armpit (ick ick screech!)
Once, when the boyfriend and I were kissing you walked up and licked. his. nipple. We were both so skeeved out it took weeks and a solidly built dog gate before we kissed again.
My darling Miss “make-it-weird” Piper, in theory, I’m fully supportive of your weirdness; in practice, keep your schnozz away from the places that skeeve me out, ‘kay?
Love, a fully clothed at all times always and forever unless there’s a gate,