Do ya ever sit and look at your peaceful and deeply sleeping dogs and seriously consider curling up right next to them and then BARKING REALLY LOUDLY FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON?!?!?
No? Just me then. 😜
I haven’t done it, but only because dogs don’t understand sarcasm or revenge and where’s the fun in that? 😒
😈😈😈

Random learnings:
1. I will *never* complain about going to my local post office ever again. When your local post office gets squished you end up really missing the convenience.
2. I have never missed anything as much as I miss my fence and gate. I have no refrigeration, only intermittent running water OR electricity (using a baby 2000W generator); turns out I would trade a LOT to be able to play fetch with the dogs in the yard.
3. Puppies are awesome n stuff, but life is easier with dogs over 5 years old.
4. Guilt is a really useless emotion. Everyone has something that is better than our current sub-par life. Whether that be a really good generator, working washing machine, inexplicably good cell phone service, a close-able fence/gate, a working vehicle, a refrigerator, a job, the ability to cut grass…..whatever, everyone has something that keeps them going. What this knowledge has taught me is to really enjoy your personal little “luxuries,” share what you can, don’t feel guilty about whatever you *do* have.
5. Before now, I thought I had experienced every form of tired that existed; I was wrong. In my life I have been physically tired, mentally tired, emotionally wrung out, grief-exhausted, and post-adrenalin crash tired; this has been none of those. This is a different level of weariness altogether.
6. I find I have to take everything one little step at a time just to keep from feeling overwhelmed and wanting to give up.
7. Everyone is going to have at least one rather embarrassing hilarious moment of frustrated rage over something incredibly inane. My moment occurred a few days ago when I tried to put on my new expensive sports bra I bought pre-hurricanes to use at an exercise class I had started attending. My rant went something like, “damn Maria diet made this damn bra too big! Dammit! Why!!!!!!?” as I flopped dramatically on the bed. [Please do not say how great it is to lose weight no matter how it happens; there is a vast difference between losing weight while becoming healthier and stronger vs. losing weight due to stress or illness.]
8. While hand washing clothes like it’s frakking 1845 is fine, how in the ever-loving-hell do you get dog hair out of your clothes without a dryer?!

I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all for now.
❤

World, meet Zippy; Zippy, meet world. For no good reason, I am remarkably invested in Zippy’s health and well-being and have brought him bugs because his tail is skinnier than I would like. Yes, I know this is weird. ❤❤❤

Me: *on toilet*

Dogs: *begin going batshit crazy*

Me: *various loud profanities*

Dogs: *take turns running to me while continuing batshit craziness*

Me: *pull up pants and continue profanities while stomping to find out what the *profanity* the *profanity* problem is.*

Dogs: *end is nighe crazy continues*

Me: “ooooh! Horsie-friend!” *Grab carrots, zip outside.* “Hi, horsie-friend! Wanna carrot? Horsie-friend?! Why you leaving?! Come back!! I have carrots! Awwww!” *sadly flashes back to every kitty I have ever chased around while channeling my inner Elmira and walk back to the house*

Dogs: *chest-bumping and high-pawing each other* “Did you see our FoodLady?!! She scared the cologne/snack right outta that horsie-interloper!”

Me: …..and my day has begun.

This is Dobby, he is an unquestionable pain-in-the-ass. What’s interesting is that him being the destroyer of all things and a rampant pain is what will save my life.

Putting aside the whole diabetes blood sugar ups and downs thing for which his scent training has paused while we recover from the hurricane; I get depressed. Yes, it is normal to be upset following a hurricane, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the kind of depression that makes it hard for me to get out of bed. I’m appropriately medicated, but that fun little vacation we took to Washington that lasted three times longer than it was planned for did *not* help with the stabilization of the feels.

So, if I lie here and try to rest (aka-forget the world in sleep) having a 50lb pibble vibrating with energy next to the bed ready to find that next adventure keeps me going.

So, given that he has been farting up a storm next to me it appears to be time to go for a potty break…or at least find a gas mask.

There he is, keeping me going again….*grin*

Ziesa stood half-on the couch and half-off for about 3 minutes (first photo) and when I finally said her name she gave me some glorious side-eye that clearly stated, “don’t judge me lady!” or something else not as nice. (second photo).

Dear Humphrey,

I am very sorry the thunder has made you nervous. Perhaps I could soothe you better if you let me breathe?

Love,

FoodLady.

It turns out I run a canine flophouse.

I’m home sick today (just a cold, but ugh) and this has given me time to let my brain wander while surrounded by moderately sympathetic dogs using me for bed access. So, I have a pack of five, I never wanted more than three dogs – alas, humans plan and the gods laugh. 

Here are the five assholes..uhh..beloved canines in order of who has been here longest to shortest: 

SamSam – male, neutered, 4 years old, brindle, breed officially unknown, but pretty dang sure he is a pibble. Originally belonged to a friend of mine, but his repeated destruction of her husbands brake lines made it necessary for him to come and stay with his “auntie” in the puppy protection program. 

Piper – female, neutered, 3 years old, black, breed officially unknown but she looks like a collie mix. To most people, she looks like this pretty little border collie nice dog, but of all my dogs she is the one I would choose to have with me in a dark alley – protective but not aggressive. This poor pretty girl was a failed foster who stayed here with us not because we had a deep connection, but because she fell through the cracks during Herbert’s health crisis and death. She is desperate for a connection and despite my emotional shut down following the loss of Herbert, she has stayed the course and appears happy with her lot in life. She is definitely the, “one of these things is not like the other one…” in this pack of block headed idiots. 

Ziesa – female, neutered, 1 year, fawn, she is a mix of boxer and terrier. This poor princess was adopted from the animal shelter and is currently the least healthy dog I have, her hip dysplasia and arthritis are very bad and the medications and supplements are insanely expensive. We are just giving her the best quality of life we can for as long as we can and then we will have to let her go. Tragically, I adopted her to attempt to train her as a replacement service dog for Herbert; needless to say her health is just not up for it.

Humphrey – male, neutered, 6+ years old, brown, breed officially unknown but he is the largest and most moist of all of our puppies. He has a pretty tragic back story which involves the first 4 years of his life being chained to a fence. He had no socialization with people or with dogs, he has no bite inhibition, very little self control, and while he is incredibly happy in his life now is just not able to be homed with just anyone. 

Dobby – male, neutered, 1 year, white and gray, and he is also a mix of boxer and terrier. I found this poor little dude on the side of the road looking like a starved naked mole rat. A very stinky smelly starved naked mole rat. I took him to the shelter to put him down (figuring a quick death was preferable to a slow starvation) and he just connected to the world around him, was heartworm negative, and the shelter asked me to try to rehab him. Here we are 8 months later and at home at least, he is a super confident and annoying hellion. He finds a lot of the outside world scary, but we are working on it. I’m planning on training him as a diabetic alert service dog, but even if he fails completely he has seriously helped my heart heal after the loss of Herbert and because of that he has already performed a great service for me. 

After a long day at the office Dobby likes to kick back with a tennis ball in his luxurious pool. ❤❤❤❤❤