FoodLady Chronicles – the old man at the beach

FoodLady Chronicles – the old man at the beach edition: I don’t know what in the hell possessed me but the other day during a quick sunset swim I decided on a whim to grab the blindish, deafish, grumpy-ass OLD man to come along. I was probably feeling all guilty and sentimental due to that picture of the hippie and his arthritic old dog in the water, you know the one….it’s as bad as that damn Folger commercial when Peter comes home *sniffle*. Anyway, Teak (doodle) was always good swimmer and I thought we could be reminiscent of all the good times he had (eating toast & peeing on things) in his youth as we watched the sun set into the Caribbean sea while I cradled him. Yeah, my life doesn’t often turn out the way I intend; I did cradle him in my arms for a bit but in all reality he had more of an “are you SMURFINGing kidding me with this SMURF” mentality rather than my anticipated hippielovesnuggle. I let him go and he steered his majestic girth to the sand looking incredibly irritated. I swam out a’ways and when I dragged my butt back on shore I noticed that OLD bastard had found an eldery couple and he was following them down the beach, “these are my people now….I bet they will feed me toast EVERY SINGLE DAY! Hey new FoodPeople, did ya know I was abused? I think that means I get extra toast, right?” That old bastard was straight up LEAVING. And because his old butt is deaf AND blindish I had to jog after them and tap him on butt to remind him I existed and he had home.
I swear to you that the old dog watched longingly as the old couple, after “oohing & aww-ing” over the “sweet old man”, kept walking down the beach. I think he found a pair of marks and was sad to lose out on a potential toast providers….