Dear Zisa (ya dang klepto)

FoodLady Chronicles: Dear Zisa, you are still growing and learning every day; to that end, today you need to learn the following:
1. We do not steal the FoodLady’s shoe and run as fast as we can on wee little puppy legs across the yard. While it may have been adorable, that is one of the FoodLady’s favorite house-shoes and it was undignified for her to chase you with only one shoe on.
2. We do not steal the FoodLady’s bra and run as fast as we can on wee little puppy legs across the yard. While it may have been adorable, that is one of the FoodLady’s favorite bras. Not only is there a certain lack of dignity in her chasing you with no bra on–it’s downright dangerous for there to be any sudden movements without those things being strapped down! It’s all fun and games until someone loses and eye little lady!
Love, FoodLady.

FoodLady Chronicles – Pig Debacle Pt. 2

That was…..different.
Okay, so the last 30 minutes or so of my life was quite porcine-centric.
So, y’all remember the random pigs that showed up on the other side of my fence a while back? yeah, okay…..so I hear the dogs going batcrapcrazy; I go investigate and what do i find? The same two pigs trying so hard with their wee piggy snootles to break INTO my yard. The dogs were way too excited at the prospect of BACON-ON-THE-CLOVEN-HOOF!!! and this porcine gift from the bush, which must have appeared to the dogs to be something equivalent to going fishing only to have the fish jump into the boat, the doggies went pack-hunt glee crazy and were attacking the fence, each other, tree branches, whatever they could get to because, ERMAGERD!! Piggies!!
I wrangled/wrassled the fuzzy asshats into the house and secured all the doors, grabbed a handful of dog treats and 4 nature valley honey & oat granola bars (heretofore known as Pig-Crack).
Then it got weird.
I go back outside and the Piggies redouble their snootle attack on the fence, I distract them by throwing two granola bars out into the bush. The pig-crack incited Mr. & Mrs. Pig to new levels of snootle fence attackery, so I walked away and called one of the numbers I saved from the first Pig Debacle. The call was answered and I said, “Good afternoon, is this Owner-Dude? The pigs are loose again” and I’m told that no, Owner-Dude gave him this phone, do you have his other off-island number? Thankfully, yes I do, but it goes straight through to voicemail. I leave a polite version of, “Dude, yer damn pigs are loose. again.”
Meanwhile, I notice Mr. & Mrs. Piggie have begun speeding through the bush and for all intents and purposes appear to be FOLLOWING MY CAT. I think, shit! now the damn pigs are hunting my cat too! Cat goes up a tree (she ain’t stupid) and pigs just keep doing the pig version of speedwalking past her and onto the road. Well, shit. Now there are pigs wandering down the road at the busiest traffic time of the day. *sigh*
So, that’s how I ended up looking like a damn piggie pied piper using granola bars to lure pigs down the road. Traffic stopped, parents showed their kids the crazy lady out “walking her pigs”, other people wanted to feed them (sure? here’s a granola bar…), and then thankfully, a kindly gentleman stopped who happened to know Owner-Dude, tried to call Owner-Dude’s girlfriend, and then physically went to fimd Owner-Dude while I tried to keep them from wandering too far. It was making me nervous that they kept wandering too close to traffic and I was out of granola bars so I used the last of my dog treats lure them into my fenced-in yard. About 5 minutes later Owner-Dude arrived and then I watched him as he pied pipered his pigs home using a bowl of what I assume was piggie-chow.
I’m tired.
Love,
FoodLady

Humphrey’s Addiction

Dearest Humphrey, in the past month of your new life with FoodLady, et al. you have learned of the joys of food, beds, running around like a fool with other dogs, toys, opening doors on your own and most recently, couches. All of that happy has been brought to you for the low low price of baths, sitting on command, and an occasional cuddle. I know, you got a hellofa deal. Unsurprisingly, there is a hidden cost – that’s right, if it seems to good to be true, it probably is! Here is your new fee, due immediately: No. Hunting. Kitties.
Say it with me now Humphrey: Cats are friends; not food.
If anyone is looking for Humphrey, he is attending Puddy-Tats Anonymous getting his priorities in order.

Crap….literal crap…

Just cleaned up poop in the back yard that was literally two perfectly round balls the size of softballs.
*blinks confusedly*
So, we either have dung beetles or Humphrey can crap like a Clydesdale; I don’t know which option is less disturbing.

Loss of a Service Dog

So….this isn’t a rant, or hell–maybe it is, I don’t know. But what I definitely want to make clear before I…whine? complain? is that I don’t mean to diminish or claim to know/understand other people’s grief in regards to their losses. okay, got it? good.

The next person who says to me that they understand and it’s hard losing a pet may actually get head-butted.

I know, I know….this may actually make me a bad person, right?
Yes, losing a pet is horrible. I have lost quite a few and it’s never ever been, “phew! glad that bastards gone!” The loss of a service dog, especially one so many years before he should have needed retirement, has been the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I don’t know if it has been so horrible because I trained him and put so much into working with him every day, or if it is because I feel like I lost a part of myself because he was ALWAYS with me, or maybe because I had to fight so damn hard to get people, businesses, and my employer to accept that he was integral to my health; but I suspect it’s all of that combined with him having been a pretty damn spectacular dog.
All in all, I’m doing okay. I do better when I’m busy or distracted, when it’s quiet I tend to lose it a little.
I feel a little lost….a little sad….
I assume it will get better day by day; but right now it hurts.

Potentially Failed Foster

FoodLady Chronicles – Sleeping Ain’t Happening, So I Wroted edition:
Alright, so Herbert is super ill and had to be left at the doggie hospital. Unsurprisingly, I’m deeply affected and incredibly sad and by the time I got home after that I felt like a prickly ball of angry-sad. Words rather fail me to describe the emotion, but prickly ball of angry-sad is pretty close. When I have all the feels, I tend to want to be on the ground, I could try to explain this physiologically by discussing blood pressure changes, fainting, and the body protecting itself or I could try to explain it as a mystical need to ground myself; but for the purposes of this story it really doesn’t matter. I was sad, I lay down on the ground. Boyfriend, having seen the prickly angry-sad before, made sure to get the other dogs before coming over to help me up. SamSam the WünderAss did his normal “Hi lady! Hi hi hi!” before running off to sniff and pee on things (thankfully not me). Poor FosterPiper! There was a NewScaryLump in the yard! This poor dog loves to bark. She loves to bark at people walking down the road, cars going down the road, leaves falling from trees, stiff breezes, loud farts…..the poor little peanut will let! her! pack! know! should anything happen. Even SamSam the WünderAss who lives to bark at wandering people has begun to look at Piper with a “seriously? again?” expression. So, “there is a NewScaryLump! Bark!” SamSam does his HiLady! run-by, Piper gets closer, “Bark…bark?” Lady? Lump is Lady? “bark…?” FOODLUMPYLADY?!? and Piper turns into the most hilarious wiggle puppy ever, slides her derpy snoot under my face and wiggle-flips onto her side and pushes herself into a wiggle-snuggle until she successfully turns my tears into laughter.
I have never had a “failed” foster; from the challenging fosters (Betty) to the fosters I deeply adore (Petey) and all the ones in the middle of the Betty-Petey Doggie Foster Scale System I just made up right now–I found them all good homes.
Today, after giving me the gift of deep belly laughter after too many months of stress and tears, Ms. Piper Fuzzy-Britches Pantaloons (her show name, obviously) will either get the most perfect home, or she will “fail” and be mine.
[and before anyone suggests training her as my next diabetic alert service dog, her temperament is not quite right for public access work; although once we finish basic obedience I will start her on basic scent training using birch oil just for fun. If she then shows great aptitude for scenting I will scent train her for home-use diabetic alerting and maybe find her a forever home who wants/needs a home-use diabetic alert dog]
Love, Lumpy FoodLady ❤

Herbert Vet Visit

I’m here at the vet now, just me and the Herbert. Tears keep falling down my face, even when I don’t feel like I’m crying…..tears are there.
He’s not good.
I’ve put my foot down. We either stomach tube him or put him down, he is uncomfortable and miserable and that is not fair to him. I feel like if he could get nutrition; he would be able to heal. His stomach works, but his traitorous body won’t let any food or water get there. I feel ya Herbie, my body is a traitorous bastard too.
I just hate this so much. I’m tired….like soul-weary tired.

Herbert’s in the doggie hospital on an IV. He took a turn for the worse. I discussed with two very competent veterinarians as to whether it was time to let him go, and the decision was made to give fluids and see how he was in the morning.
I will let y’all know if/when I know anything.
Also, if there is ever a HIPPA-like act enacted for dogs I will be screwed, as I managed to hold my shit (barely) together by blatantly listening to consults happening throughout the clinic and either emphatically agreeing or disagreeing with stuff I heard.

FoodLady Chronicles – I’m in Hell edition:

FoodLady Chronicles – I’m in hell edition: Well, ya ever live on an island and your service dog develops a chronic vomiting illness that you are hoping and praying will be made better by a new and expensive piece of equipment your vet has purchased and you are just doing the best you can while waiting for that fancy sum’bitch to arrive via boat? yeah? me too – it totally sucks, right?!. But wait! There’s a fresh new (kinda funny) hell! Ya ever have a second pet dog figure out that the sick dog gets attention when he starts coughing/pre-regurgitating and has learned to MIMIC THAT NOISE?!? Dear SamSam the Asshole – please stop making me freak out randomly! kthanks! Love, FoodLady

Ugh.

So, for a while now Herbert has been seriously ill. I have been making notes and planned on writing it all up in my “spare time”. It turns out that I don’t have that so I’m just going to blah blah blah at y’all whenever I think of it.

In the past 24 hours I have either said or thought the following things that, looking back, should not be things humans should have to say or think:
● If I step in one more [insert profanity here] pile/puddle of vomit I’m just going to just lay down and cry.
● So help me, I WILL find the right size sock to make Herbert a jaunty legwarmer! [I did, it’s not just for fashion, it’s to keep him from endlessly licking his disgusting elbow wound.]
●*Herbert jumps onto bed, I put phone down guiltily* I wasn’t looking at well bred dog breeds with genetic testing that would make good service dogs, why are you looking at me like that?
● I have to set up my meds for the week. [Insert Expletive Here], I’m out of that med….oh wait, Herbert’s on it too, I gave him 4 of mine last week……
● I need to download a new medication organization app for Herbert [then spent 45 minutes setting it up].
● *Hears vomiting from other room* Honey!?! Yeah, check and see if that has rocks in it. If it does, don’t let him re-eat it. [Herbert ate rocks. Herbert ate rocks after stealing a bag of dry cat food and tearing into it outside on the gravel and as is my life now, what Herbert eats; Herbert pukes.]
● *wakes boyfriend* Honey, sorry….I need you to get up. Yeah, Herbert jumped up here and vomited on me and the bed. *changes sheets with efficiency; embraces being forever grossed out*

Chinese Restaurant Effect

Alright, so there is this dude; he is a doctor dude, born in 1937 and he is a type 1 diabetic. He is a very smart man and I believe that at this point in his life – dude has seen some shit.
Please feel free to peruse his information and develop your own opinion about this guy. I respect him greatly, but I’m kinda still gonna eat carbs sometimes ’cause they taste so dang good. Anywhoodle – his wiki page is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_K._Bernstein
I shared all that ’cause I wanted to share one of his most famous theories:

THE CHINESE RESTAURANT EFFECT
Many years ago a patient asked me why her blood sugar went from 90 mg/dl up to 300 mg/dl every afternoon after she went swimming. I asked what she ate before the swim. “Nothing, just a freebie,” she replied. As it turned out, the “freebie” was lettuce. When I asked her just how much lettuce she was eating before her swims, she replied, “A head.”

A head of lettuce contains about 10 grams of carbohydrate, which can raise a type 1 adult’s blood sugar about 50 mg/dl at most. So what accounts for the other 160 mg/dl rise in her blood sugar?

The explanation lies in what I call the Chinese restaurant effect. Often Chinese restaurant meals contain large amounts of protein or slow-acting, low-carbohydrate foods, such as bean sprouts, bok choy, mushrooms, bamboo shoots, and water chestnuts, that can make you feel full.

How can these low-carbohydrate foods affect blood sugar so dramatically?

The upper part of the small intestine contains cells that release hormones into the bloodstream when they are stretched, as after a meal. These hormones signal the pancreas to produce some insulin to prevent the blood sugar rise that might otherwise follow the digestion of a meal. Large meals will cause greater stretching of the intestinal cells, which in turn will secrete proportionately larger amounts of these hormones. Since a very small amount of insulin released by the pancreas can cause a large drop in blood sugar, the pancreas simultaneously produces the less potent hormone glucagon to offset the potential excess effect of the insulin. If you’re diabetic and deficient in producing insulin, you might not release insulin, but you will still release glucagon, which will cause gluconeogenesis and glycogenolysis and thereby raise your blood sugar. Thus, if you eat enough to feel stuffed, your blood sugar can go up by a large amount, even if you eat something undigestible, such as sawdust.

The first lesson here is: Don’t stuff yourself. The second lesson is:
There’s no such thing as a freebie.* Any solid food that you eat can raise your blood sugar.

Okay, got it? That’s his theory and I don’t believe he is wrong – although I do believe that in addition to his theory that if you don’t have enough usable blood glucose in your body when you workout your body will attempt to fix that by releasing glucagon and thus raising your blood sugar.

Anywhoodle – this is the reason that quite a number of endocrinologists [including Dr. Bernstein] highly recommend and prescribe a GLP-1 drug for Type 2 diabetics and even prescribe them “off-label” for Type 1 diabetics. GLP-1 drugs are also known as incretin mimics and the most common drug names out there right now are Byetta and Victoza. Please know that a GLP-1 drug CANNOT replace insulin and a common way to adjust insulin with a GLP-1 is to keep basal the same and start with the assumption that mealtime boluses can be reduced.

Now, because there is another dude out there in the world who has already shared some great information about these drugs on a forum known as tudiabes; I’m totally copying and pasting:

[Victoza & Byetta] “…are both GLP-1 drugs, a class of drugs that mimic key incretin hormones. The GLP-1 drugs have a key action of inhibiting glucagon and stimulating insulin release in response to eating. For a T1, the insulin stimulation just won’t work, but the glucagon effect can be significant. When we eat, particularly if we eat something big, our bodies will release glucagon and insulin in response to simply the act of eating. Bernstein calls this the Chinese Restaurant Effect. This is different than insulin being released in response to a high blood sugar and instead is focused on enabling a complex dance of preemptive control of blood sugar in response to meals. That being said, even as a T1, when you eat you can and will release glucagon and that can result in a contribution to your mealtime blood sugar. So a GLP-1 may help a T1 get better mealtime control, perhaps using less insulin or just improving postprandial levels.

It is also true that the GLP-1 drugs lower both hunger and appetite and have been shown to help people lose weight. My observation is the GLP-1 drugs are mostly being prescribed to T1s for their effect on hunger, appetite and weight loss. That being said, the use of GLP-1 drugs for T1 is not FDA approved and while doctors can prescribe it off-label there is apparently lots of confusion. The prescribing information on Victozabasically says not to use it for T1 and provides absolutely no information on how to adjust insulin dosing with Victoza. There are ongoing studies on T1 use of GLP-1 drugs and I would anticipate FDA approval for their use in T1 in the near future….”

Forum Link: http://www.tudiabetes.org/forum/t/victoza-for-t1s/46883/10
Author: http://www.tudiabetes.org/forum/users/Brian_BSC/activity

Okie dokie, that was some diabetic learning for the day – if anyone has any questions, comments, concerns, stories, photos, whatever…..please feel free to comment.
**smooches**