FoodLady Chronicles – greedy a$$holes edition: they look innocent in the photo below, don’t they?

They. Are. Not.

I, in an attempt to take an hour to write while enjoying some Ziesa and SamSam snuggles, had temporary foster puppy (Mariposa – flies stateside 03/27/18) settled in her crate with a lovely beef trachea to gnaw on while Humphrey and Dobby chilled in the living room.

So, color me both impressed and seriously annoyed that somehow Humphrey & Dobby managed to quietly OPEN Mariposa’s crate, releasing the wee monster into the living room. Did they do it because of some deeply held belief that she needed FREEDOM! No. They treated it as the ultimate treat puzzle.

Note: in my brain, Dobby and Humphrey are the ultimate “Dude! Bro!” characters.

“bro!! There’s a trachea in there!”

“Dude, yeah…but we don’t eat puppies man!”

“Naw! Bro, like a BEEF trachea!”

“What?! No way! We gotta get that dude.”

So, while little miss stinky wrinkle face was embracing her unprecented freedom she left me a few little puddle surprises and apparently managed to pull the new package of toilet paper onto the floor and nibble a small corner [YAY! I can handle that level of damage!].

However, either Humphrey or Dobby, perhaps disapproving of the toilet paper nibbling or perhaps just in protest that there is a wee little stinky wrinkle face puppy here at all, decided pee on the (damn!) toilet paper package.

[It couldn’t of been the puppy because she is shorter than the toilet paper package.]

“Dude!? Do we have an indoor toilet now?”

“Bro, I guess man….I mean, the little nugget must know somethin’ we don’t bro. Should we mark somethin’?”

“Dude….. I don’t know man….”

“……oh! Uh, sorry! too late bro!”

“Dude, put a tennis ball by it, that’ll fix anything man!”

So, that’s the start of my morning; hope everything goes better for everyone for the rest of the day (including me!)!

Holy. Crap. Busy.
While one part of me misses time for deep contemplation (naps), reading, tv, and writing, the more I do – the more I can get done; I have always been, and will always be, inertia’s bitch.
Honey Update – still gaining weight and getting better! So, I know every dog and every human out there is a unique little snowflake, blah blah blah – but let me tell you why this little lady is so freaking amazing: she is self-assured. She probably had quite a few f*cks to give at the beginning of her life, but she gave most of them away and is saving her last ones for truly important stuff like snacks and enjoying some sunbeams. She takes contented and chill to a whole new level. Well, that is until she has to face her true nemesis – the evil blow dryer.
Here she is during yesterday’s visit – gettin’ purty, huh?

I visited with pretty little Honey yesterday and it is becoming more and more clear that she was someone’s dog who lived indoors and just really came into some hard times. Despite ongoing diarrhea (dog rescue = true glamour) the poor little peanut really tries to hold it to go outside. I gently cleaned her ears with q-tips and combed out all her floofy parts while she sat contentedly in my lap.

Good morning! The poor emaciated little dog found on Friday, February 23, 2018 (currently named Honey) wagged her tail for the first time on Monday morning when her savior (Eby) came in. In all honesty, none of us were sure she would make it through the night on Saturday – once an animal becomes that emaciated it is not so easy to bring them back. After Honey’s body began settling down (classy way of saying after she stopped exploding from both ends due to stress, food, medications, etc.) she began healing and was finally able to have a bath Monday afternoon. During my visit on Monday I took her outside where she used the facilities (like a LADY!) and boy howdy did she use her sniffer. These are great signs of recovery. In fact, she followed her sniffer right on into the kitty room and stomped right past all the kitties to find the closest bowl of kitty food (she was sad she couldn’t get to it). While it’s too soon to say she will be “cat-friendly,” it is not too soon to say any prey-drive she may have does not appear to include cats. However, she does appear to be excellent at hunting any open cat food.

I’ve been visiting her daily and she is slowly improving. Here are photos from Monday, February 26, 2018.

So, other people find adorable puppies and kittens.
That is not my skill. My skill is that I find the broken, the starved, the diseased, and the stinky.
I found this starving little lady on my way home today. People often make fun of me for always having rope and dog treats with me, but this is why.
She is an intact female about 3 years old I found foraging for food in trash. Starved and wary, but sweet. Ticks and fleas and worms and all sorts of other (blegh) joy – which is why she is at the vets for a couple days while I try to find her a home.

Nothing quite like a 90lb Humphrey-dog running inside after completing his morning constitutional and dropping his booty on the ground and scooting. Ah, the booty scoot. Is it a recalcitrant turd? parasites? a piece of grass or string? The canid can be a stunningly strong and regal creature, however ain’t none of that happening during a scoot. It just looks embarrassing and awkward to do, hell it feels embarrassing and awkward just to see it.

Poor Humphalumph, he has an irritated booty-hole. So, I spent my morning cleaning his asshole affected area with baby wipes and then treated it with a 2% chlorhexidine ointment…..which is bright blue.

So now poor Humphrey looks like he ate too many Smurfs and is having issues digesting them.